Learning and Adjusting

A lifelong journey

Me standing in the place where my novel is set. Look at that joyful smile. I want that everyday.

When I began The Ghost Light, I was hoping to document the process of writing a novel and including all the things I learned along the way. I was hoping to work on the discipline of a deadline and just maybe have a body of work at the end that showed all I’ve learned and what all went into writing a novel for the first time. I knew when I began that it was probably ambitious to commit to a once-a-week article. But doing too much has always kind of been my thing, so I leaned in.

What I’ve realized about myself recently, though, is that this do-it-all part of myself isn’t just a cute little personality trait. It’s something that can cause so much unnecessary stress, and I’m ready to be free and living in the joy of what I have the opportunity to do-write and create.

Now, don’t get me wrong, reaching for the stars has always got me a lot further along than just scraping by, and I don’t want to completely lose that element to my personality. It’s just this ridiculous list I have running through my head of all the things I’m either currently doing or that I feel I should be doing: learning Spanish, learning how to play my grandfather’s mandolin, becoming an expert in the Artist’s Way, completing every writing class, and reading every classic book, reading every important non-fiction book, reading every book in my current genre (whew! the reading alone…), marketing my work, gaining followers, keeping in touch with the people I love, taking all the barre and zumba classes, lifting all the heavy weights a middle-aged woman is supposed to lift, eating enough protein, getting all the right supplements, writing a weekly blog post, and oh yeah—writing a 7-book, dystopian, middle-grade series….I need a nap after writing that paragraph.

Something needs to change.

If you were to ask me what my greatest flaw was as director and teacher, I would tell you it was doing too much. I would think back on those years and wish I had picked the most important things, and really done those well. And while I can’t go back and change the past, I do have control over my present. This time, I’d like to do it a little better.

So…I’ve backed off my workouts, only keeping the elements I find to be the most important instead of trying to do every workout ever created all at once. I’ve backed off in many ways with my health, trying to narrow the focus to taking care of myself and doing what makes me feel the best.

And I’m going to back off this blog.

I’m not going to stop doing it, I’m just going to lessen the frequency. None of you really need progress on my novel every week, right?

I didn’t think so.

I don’t see it as something I did wrong or something I’m failing at. I see it as exactly what I set out to do when I started it, which was to start writing and document the process, learning along the way. So, here I am learning, adjusting, and documenting. And hoping to recapture the playful spirit I’ll need to complete Abigail’s adventures. With that playfulness in mind, I’m not even going to make a schedule.

Gasp.

I’ll simply post when there’s an update and smile along the way.

I would encourage you, if you have a personality like mine where you just could never do enough, take a full stop. Look around. Breathe, and see what you can eliminate. It’s never easy, but it’s imperative. I’d like to think I’m actually learning.

We’ll see.